It’s been a while since I posted. Been a while while a lot of things had happened to me starting this year.
I went back home.
I’m now 30. Basically feel the same old. And getting older.
Met Kuya Jess. Actually, we have this on-off thing. But now, I’m keeping this on for the sake of sanity and just because I love KJ too much. The feeling is mutual, to which I am glad.
I finished my course.
I almost got thrown out again.
I graduated college. Finally.
I almost again got myself thrown out of the streets (literally) with my belongings now ruined and in boxes. Too bad my relationship with the man who sired me is not like Kuya Jess’. I want out now. Only that “love” I have for this family’s keeping me from leaving. And that’s running low, too.
I decided to finally sell my most treasured belongings– my books. I’ll post the list as soon as I finally get to set myself back to cataloging them. To be honest, it tears me apart. Bad of me to say, but I think I love these things that gave me so much comfort than the family I was raised in.
I still am here at my part time work in RJ. Which is not bad, to be honest. Still, a part-time work after graduation is no longer an excuse, especially when people in the house expect you to pay for the utilities and they cost more than you earn.
I am starting to feel frustrated and shitty because I keep on ranting even though I am trying to tone down my dissatisfaction. Must still be my fault because I am not making the effort to get out of the dump I am in. It’s already July. More than a year passed since I left the house and had that “temporary” freedom. It pains me but I feel now that my worst enemy is the fact that I relied much on gaining that freedom. Regardless, I am tied down because I am helplessly dependent on my material things.
Nagiging materyoso na ako. Masyado ko na iniisip na pera ang nagpapagalaw ng mundo. Totoo naman. Kaya nga gusto ko kumawala, di ba?
Sigh. I noticed that I’ve been saying nothing but rants everywhere. It’s a good thing that my sanity is held in check by the friends who try to understand me, despite my clamming up sessions. But until when, I don’t know. I love them but I don’t want to become a burden.
Well. Time to think things over. July na. Dapat may gawin na ako.