The Sacrament of Waiting

It’s a beautiful piece and apt, too, for those who still wait and cannot wait. Food for thought.

I'm Lost in Oz

I just had to share this. It’s a very beautiful piece written about the preciousness of waiting. I got this during a retreat I attended around two years ago.


The Sacrament Of Waiting
Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery – a natural sacrament of life – there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday…

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Getting ready

Doing a rushed post. Haha. I am supposed to leave the house by 4PM but here I am in a middle of a chaotic bedroom– unbathed, my things scattered and my thoughts flying. So, what the heck. Let’s do a post.

I will be gone for the weekend to think over things about my life– family, friends, work, personal and other whatnot. I must say that I am excited but at the same time, I am anxious, and yes– I am scared. I don’t know what will happen during and after. But I am scared because it is definitely going to do a lot of changes in my life.

I psyched myself that it would be all right. I’ve been to a retreat before. I knew these people. I knew myself.

Or so I hope.

But fear is still there.

I decided to go through it, despite the fear. Despite my financial issues. Despite everything. I prayed for it for so long. And I know these are the few chances that I am following my instincts that the changes that I will go through is essential and they are right.

Forgive my selfishness. Forgive me for withdrawing in a shell just for a short while. Forgive me, world. But this time around, I think I need to listen and be still for now. But after this, I’ll be more prepared to dance back to the world’s rhythm.

Overjoyed

Hello!

It feels good to be posting something positive, for a change. I am still smiling, despite my weariness. Maybe caffeine kicking in (I was forced to drink two tumblerfuls of wonderful but strong brewed coffee from the office, haha) but a realization, leading to an answered prayer is the cause.

Four days ago, I was contemplating greeting an old friend I had a falling out because he had his birthday but decided against it. Perhaps my pride talking because a long time ago, our friendship soured for I had closed my doors on what I truly felt about him at that time. His birthday also falls on Tanabata. Unlike Orihime and Hikoboshi who had mutual love, mine was fated to never come to pass. Perhaps I botched it for at that time, I was aware that my feelings for him was one-sided. And because of my inexperience (despite my age– I am older by 4 years), I had done some stupid things to hurt him. I ended up hurting us both.

It took me 3 years to stop myself from crying but I grieved more on the loss of contact and friendship, rather than my own need to be loved by him in that romantic sense. I have to admit that a part of me hoped, too. But as much as I had wanted him, I loved him more as a special friend. He was the few ones who got to go past my defenses and to glimpse me as I am. But as much as I loved him, I loathed him for staying away and not allowing me to explain or even apologize. I suppose, it was also my fault because I was also scared of what I would do. He hurt and had broken my heart, more than I was willing to admit. I am ashamed to admit that I hated him for it. For a long while.

I prayed for closure and to stop my fears of being unloved because I am not worth it. For a time, I blamed him for my insecurities of not being enough. It was unfair, because I know more than anyone that he accepted me for who I am. It was I who couldn’t– despite what I said. I became selfish because I yearned to have him look at me more. And well, I was a coward. I knew in my heart that I could have chosen to fight for what I feel. But I didn’t.

It was going home tonight when I had a sudden realization. My choice of being single is not because I am unloved but I chose not to love by closing my doors at all attempts. I placed the blame on him because he hurt me and I refused to forgive him for causing me pain. Yet my heart remained loving what I cannot have and I won’t admit it.

So why not let my love come in?

One thing I learned is that as long as I don’t love myself and let love shine through me, I will not be able to see Jess in everything. It is a hard process, especially letting my feelings fester the way and as long as I had let it. But for some reason, as soon as I had tried to recall the good times spent with him, I found myself smiling. Each time he came to my rescue, the time he comforted me through my tears and the time spent with him, just talking about things– it drew my well of affections. It wasn’t the romantic feeling– I suppose, I matured with my outlook on romance now. Still, I know that he will always have that special nook in my heart and nothing can change that.

I finally saw Jess in him. And that filled me with joy. And finally, peace.

I was thinking of sending him a message for the longest time and honestly, I think he’ll think I am crazy because I can’t really explain coherently what I am going through. But believe it or not, the urge to just do it is strong. And I just have to believe that it’s He that moves me to do this. Because Jess made me see this love and no matter where it ends or begins, it is meant to be cherished.

In my head, there is also regret. What would have it been like had I remained in touch and to be friends still with him? For me to be with him and him to see what I am now? But lessons had to be learned, I knew. I am taking a risk that this time, he is cynical and may even hate me for what I am to do. Perhaps I should let the sleeping dogs lie.

Yet in my heart, I hear Galinda singing to Elphaba. “I hope you are happy now you are choosing this.” I want him to know that I bear him no more ill and I wish him all the best. Seeing him happy is more than enough. No more regrets, no more unbearable yearning. It is liberating, to the point of exhilaration.

With that, I am also ready to move on and defy gravity. Knowing this lifted me immensely.

Tony Meloto and the Culture of Poverty

Hindi sa lahat ng oras, “resilient” ang mahirap. (It is not all the time the poor are resilient.)

Lift them up by education, kindness and compassion to make the “broken, hopeless and violent” rise.

Verstehen

News of Tony Meloto’s speech at the 40th anniversary of the Center for Philippine Studies at the University of Hawaii reached me a few days ago. It flooded social media yesterday and came with a barrage of comments from people who apparently have some kind of grievance against either Tony Meloto or Gawad Kalinga. My initial thoughts centered on the quite distasteful act done by CPS-UH. Rather than expressing its disappointment directly to Tony Meloto, the institution chose to make its disapproval viral through a memo made public on a Facebook page. In doing so, the Center for Philippine Studies seems to be inviting people, Filipinos, the world over to join its quest to publicly scorn a person – an invited guest at that.

While I question some of Tony Meloto’s ideas about social entrepreneurship – a business will never be “social” unless the poor are made partners and…

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How to play Neko Atsume

For those addicted like me. 🙂 This guide is so helpful.

I wish this day would never end

I made a FAQ for some common questions I’ve come across recently! Please let me know if you have any additional questions or if you spot any mistakes.

Updated 5.26.2015: Minor updates with some frequently asked questions and a table with items and their translated names.

Also, if anyone is interested, there will be a character book for Neko Atsume that will be released on June 12.

If you have any more questions for me, please feel free to leave a comment! I’ll do my best to help you. (Because of some comments I received, I should clarify that I’m in no way affiliated with the developer and only translated bits and pieces of the game!) Also, if you can, please take screencaps if you have a question with text or something! It’ll be easier for me to understand what you’re talking about ;w;

Related posts: Neko Atsume walkthrough

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Two!

I was alerted by WP that my somewhat neglected blog is now 2 years old. Wow. I feel very honored because my current project inspired me to drop a line.

It’s been a tumultuous two years. Yet, I am extremely grateful. Working on a research work on languages of the Philippines had been a long shot from my ramblings as a struggling college student. Still, issues are here and there.

Who would have known I would have the opportunity to visit places I never thought I would see? Meeting people and actually experiencing how they live, even for a little while? Immersing myself within my roots, and actually being proud I was born and belong to a special country?

Not the me two years ago.

Cheers to the me now and wherever it leads me.

5 Things I Would Like To Tell My Future Love

Definitely, something that I would like to say not just to my future love but to anyone who’d be a part of my life.

(Because I’m a secret incurable romantic, too… But don’t tell anyone that!) 😄

Thought Catalog

1. Go on as many adventures as possible.

I hope you’re going everywhere and doing everything. Hang out with your friends. Travel a lot. See as much of the world as possible. Try as many exotic foods as you can. Climb mountains. Join Fun Runs. Go diving and skydiving. Explore this beautiful world. I hope you’re starting to check off items on your bucket list because one day, when we’re finally together, I would like to hear all about it. One day you will share all those stories with me, and maybe we’ll try to do them together too.

2. Find yourself.

I hope you’re taking time to get to know yourself. Take time analyzing what you really want to do in life. Love yourself and be strong for yourself. Some people enjoy being needed but I what I like is to be wanted. You are your own person and…

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Daily Prompt: Born to Be With You

I’m going to skip days because this question reminded me of my closest friends and best friends. Warning though. TMI alert.

I have 4 girls that I am very close with. 3 of them are part of YRT (known also a Yuri Raep Tiemz– Jacjac named our group as such, or was it Joy? Well, it doesn’t really matter! Heh.) and the other is my “surrogate” mom (because she shares my mom’s birthday). I also have a very close male friend (okay, I’ll be honest– he is my best friend. Male bestie, in fact).

My YRT ladies, according to the time I met them– Joy, Jackie and Jacjac.

My surrogate mom, Lynn-nee.

My male bestie– Doc Jay.

What I love about my YRT ladies: They have different personalities but we have so much in common– love for anime, games, girl stuff (maybe not me on some extent– but they all love to doll me up. I try as much as I could to ESCAPE and I always end up in their tender mercies but I let them, anyway), sensible talks and love for life. I’ll have to describe the girls as I met them.

Joy’s the perky, fiery and gyaaru type. I fondly call her “ukechama” and she calls me bunnehchama (I originally wanted her to be called bunnehchama but the girls voted me the bunny because I ended up wearing her bunny headgear. Then again, I was not eager to be called uke). I met her when I was in college in one of our organization’s activities. Joy was one of the founding cosplayers for Sailor Moon and expressed interest to join but because she was also too far from our hanging out place (her college is located extreme north west part of the university) that she just ended up hanging around. Since I am also a Moonie, we clicked and got to fan girl about Sailor Moon. We lost in touch but she kept sending me e-mails until my work brought me near her workplace. We ended up hanging out again and this made us closer. She was also the one responsible why I met the others. ^-^v She’s our official glomper and she somewhat enjoys groping us (then again, knowing her, if she reads it, she’ll yell– “I have no shame because TRUTH!” with matching V sign). Their residence is our official YRT headquarters (pre-Avengers) but because she loves Avengers, she dubbed herself as Tony Stark and the Yuri Mansion is now called The Stark tower. She’s also responsible for official fan girling of different fandoms to which she will always triumphantly declare, “Because REASONS!” As our resident hothead, she gets into many scrapes because she always believes in fighting for what she believes. Not a bad thing but it sometimes also gets us to some friction. Regardless, I love her fiery side and even her perfectionist side, even at her worst.

Jackie is the ojousama (but she’ll kill me if she knew I said it) among us. I tease her a lot because of it and I fondly call her moechama. However, she also is the most sensible and also the most maternal. I met her when Joy introduced me when I was already working in Ortigas. I thought of her as reserved and very elegant (thus, I thought she was really an ojousama). To be honest, it took me a while to warm up with her because I was intimidated by her. It was when I had hung out more (and without Joy) with her when I got to see her sensible side and the reason why she is quite reserved to people. I learned she has empathy on people and she is quite sensitive to others (being a Crab– her birthday’s a day before my mom’s). I ended up hanging more with her after Joy moved out of Ortigas and bonded well with her. At her wedding preps, I got somewhat adopted by her family and I ended up visiting both sides of Jacinto and Villarama. I also became chums with her husband (thankfully, she has no jealous bone in her body– her husband also has none so long we return her to his side after). She’s scarily workaholic but can be utterly lazy. She’s very domesticated and our resident homebody. She was dubbed as Cap-chan by Joy (to her extreme reluctance). She loves her whiskey as much as she loves her angst. Gamer girl to the core, she influenced most of my preference on manga and even otome.

Jacjac’s the chameleon of the group. I call her fondly “kittehchama” because, like me, she loves cats. She can be sensible but she can be as crazy as Joy. I met her, again, through Joy. Unlike with Jackie, I was in awe with her because by the time I met her, she was a sort of celebrity in the cosplay world in the country. I had this mindset that she’s a snob but she quickly proved me wrong by being the sweetest girl who has a mild case of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde syndrome. One moment she’s sweet, the next moment she’ll be trolling and lol-ing along. She’s the oldest in our group but sometimes, I felt the greatest need to protect her (I usually am quite protective of lady friends). However, she’s no shrinking flower because she’s the toughest among us and can be utterly straight out blunt when it comes to giving her thoughts and opinions. She’s a lady of contrast. She cosplays skanky but she’s very modest and conservative in thoughts. She can be potty mouth but would reprimand me if I say something horribly inappropriate. She’s our Bruce Banner right down because sometimes, she’s got anger issues. But contrary on being Hulk when mad, she becomes quite indifferent and blithely forget the issue. She loves fiercely and is loyal to the extreme, especially on those she loves dearly.

All in all, what bound us together is our love for each other. We stood by and accepted each other as much as any blood sisters would love and accept each other for what we are. All will move heaven and earth to help and protect one another. Each one experienced that kind of love and fierceness one way or the other. Since we’re talking of Avengers, 1000 brownie points to the one who can guess what Avengers character they dubbed me. I still vehemently deny it but it always becomes their greatest habit to prove that the character suits me to a T…. Ah. Oh. Oops. >_<

My surrogate mom, Lynn-nee, was introduced to me by my former teacher and now friend during a Harry Potter movie. We ended up talking about fandoms and books. Lynn-nee is more of my book buddy because she loves books more than anime fandom. She sort of adopted me and tends to spoil me overmuch but of course, I become her “willing” petto. She’s also like Jackie in so many ways– ojousama, sensible, motherly and very manipulative. Hehe. She also tends to put so much herself on the things that matter to her before her own self. She’s also the OC-type and gets into a mass of nerves when I show up like some rambunctious puppy.

Doc Jay was nicknamed Heero-kun but I never called him that (except on my phone) because it reminded me of his ex-gf I called Relena-chan. And as much as I hate to admit it, I got more bitter of their breakup than he did because of how she treated him.

Moving along, Jay and I met in our academic organization. He was an applicant and I was already a member. He experienced my nasty side when he was one of the “unlucky” applicants that I had their signature sheets crumpled. He was then became wary of me, but being wily-nily, I rebuked him for being afraid of me. Until one day, we ended up talking and finding so many things in common, we became eventually friends. And now I realized that among them, he’s my oldest friend. 10 years of friendship! What made our friendship special is that he’s one of the few people who can read my mind or my feelings in one look. There may be a lot of silence or unfinished sentences or thoughts between us but we understood each other without saying our thoughts aloud. It’s almost funny how he and I are synchronized.

All in all, what I love about them is I can be as real as I can be when I am with them. No restrictions. No pretenses. They can see right through me and will have no qualms telling me off when I get too stubborn. They love me the way I am and I love them the way they are. There’s nothing they won’t do for me and I’ll do everything and anything for them.

Daily Prompt: Papa Loves Mambo

I finally decided to revive my blog by doing some daily blog challenge.

So for today’s question: When I was growing up, my mother usually play 70s songs like Beatles and ABBA on the radio. My dad bought tapes of old singers like Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Lionel Richie and I grew up belting out Dancing Queen and Chiquitita (I can imagine our neighbors wincing at my childish voice trebling over the high notes).

I can clearly remembering using my mother’s hairbrush, pretending I am Whitney Houston in front of the mirror. But in any case, I grew up appreciating music. So, not much to my surprise, I grew up to enjoy singing. Modesty aside, I got a fine set of lungs and pipes that I can sing Broadway songs with little, if not without, difficulty. My range is mezzo soprano, when I first learned I could sing. Or at least, I used to, when I have warm up. My music preferences are eclectic– I liked old songs (say around 20s or 30s), classical music, dance music and even some pop artist (well, Lady Gaga does sound fantastic, at times). My favorite singers also varies, but I favored alternative rock and classical. My parents also love to sing so I enjoyed singing, too. Unfortunately, I have tremendous stage fright. I will only sing if I really have to, or if it’s a choir song.

Don’t Wait Around For Someone Who Is Willing To Love You, Get There First

I find this really beautiful but this is also one of things I often take for granted. In my insomnia attack, it’s nice to be reminded what should be my focal point.

Thought Catalog

Look CatalogLook Catalog

Love yourself like a mother loves her newborn.

Love yourself when you’re the loneliest you’ve ever been. You might be your own worst enemy, but you can also be the closest friend you have. Make that choice.

Look at yourself naked in the mirror and realize our bodies are just vessels and we need to love them regardless of what society has taught us.

Sleep with someone because you want to and not because you want them to like you.

If you’ve had your heart broken, be the one to pick up the pieces. Prove to yourself how strong you can be. Don’t put up walls so you don’t get hurt again. Let people in. It might end in tears but you won’t know until you’ve put your heart on your sleeve.

Look at your scars and remind yourself how beautiful our flaws are, you don’t judge tigers…

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